where are you?

The other day I was thinking.. the heartache for mothers who have lost children is we don’t know where they are.

Let me rephrase that. I believe in Heaven and I know my son is there.

But where is Heaven? And what is he doing?

When you spend months carrying your child in the womb or years including him in the head count with his siblings at the park or beach, you don’t just turn that part of you off.

It is a lifetime of learning to function without knowing exactly where he is.

My Christian faith tells me to believe. As difficult as that may sound, God has graciously wired us to believe in Him.

It’s the wondering that is difficult.

And the waiting.

Once again, I gather my thoughts together and say, yes, Lord, I believe. Help me with my unbelief.

And He does.


Mara ~earth light~ via / CC BY-NC-ND



the more I prayed.

I used to think the more I prayed the better things would turn out.

That is pretty much  based on the scripture knock and it shall be opened to you.

Add this to the American culture conducive to performance and productivity, along with books written on someone’s experience of answered prayer, well… there you have it.

It wasn’t only the death of my son that got me wondering, but other prayer worthy situations which began balancing earnest prayer with just as much earnest acceptance.

Some of us have neglected the Lord’s prayer because of its common place of rote recitation. Words we might become desensitized to.

But the word of God stands forever. Each time it is spoken it has the power to refresh and regenerate.

Human nature is attracted to new ways of doing things. Bigger and better. Faster and sleeker. Out with the old and in with the new.

Those things excite our emotions – often fleeting and not solid enough to anchor.

When I have been faced with great difficulty and sorrow, I have been drawn to writers from decades ago. Elisabeth Elliot, Amy Carmichael, C.S. Lewis, Oswald Chambers, and others. I feasted on these books alone in my room when Chris died.

Our world has progressed in many wonderful ways. Yet, we need wisdom in what is good and what is not. And wisdom comes from God. 

Nothing is new under the sun. When pain comes to us, we need to hear from people who knew pain.

New isn’t always better.



Photo credit: Art4TheGlryOfGod via / CC BY-ND