carry the light.

carry the light.

Slowly, her eyes open as she lays silently, watching the light slip through the window, turning the night darkness into shadows of gray.

Another day to face. Another day to be thankful. Another day to trust the Lord.

Reaching for her phone, she sighs softly. She is familiar with facing the day with disappointments.

No texts. Check the weather. Open Facebook.

Inspiring memes, adorable animal videos, current events, and everyone’s opinions.

But it’s the “perfect” children and “perfect” marriages her eyes are drawn to.

And then the familiar heaviness in the pit of her stomach.

Being left out, being left behind, being different.


Those among us, especially Christians, who often post their happy lives on social media, should remember those who are in difficult situations.

We know who they are.

With good intentions, we celebrate our lives. Pictures speak a thousand words. Words have power. In our sharing, we should remember those we know who are suffering.

Since God says he is near to those who have broken hearts, shouldn’t they be close to our hearts, too?

Just about everyone has some form of social media. As Christians, we should check our heart when we share something.  We could become prideful in our accomplishments and project our way of doing things as being the right way.

Sometimes, we should say your life might be different. Be you.

Everyone should celebrate with you, be encouraged and inspired by you, and most of all, be happy for you.

But we should also, always keep others close in our hearts and minds when we share our lives.


And you, who are not experiencing the preconceived perfect life, take heart.

Be happy for those who are enjoying good. Rejoice with them.

Don’t compare.

Don’t get bitter.

If it’s too hard to see, limit your friends’ list through unfollowing or create a smaller social media platform with limited friends during this time in your life.

It’s not all on you. You are protecting yourself.

More than anything, trust in the Lord with all of your heart, don’t interpret your life through your own understanding of it, acknowledge God’s understanding of it all, and trust that He knows all things and will guide and direct your life.

When you trust God, He trusts you, too. He knows who can and who will carry the light through the darkness of disappointments you face each day …

… to show others the way.

silhouette photo of person holding a lantern
Photo by Erika Cristina on


surely God.

surely God.

It’s not the weight you carry but how you carry it.

There is a way to carry grief.

Once you get knocked over by it, once you finally stand up, you look ahead to the years without that one you loved so very much, and wonder how you will live without them.

When I watched the days my father slipped away from this life, try as he may, conscious of wanting to live for family and friends, he could not.

Grief is like that. You can’t live for others. As much as you love them, your heart is torn in two. Particularly, the pain of losing a child is like no other. It is so very deep, it doesn’t help to hear you have to live for your other children. You want to. But your broken heart consumes your mind.

I think grieving is very close to dying.

The dying slowly drift away until there is a sudden wakefulness when the mind says to live. Then dying takes over once again.

But grieving is not dying, even though it feels just like that. And how we feel is not always indicative of what is absolutely true.

God gives us the ability to carry the weight of pain and suffering. Our willingness to let him is our part.

There will be a day, an hour, when you feel a gentle nudging. You will probably brush it away. Allowing ourselves to feel the pain makes us fight. And that fighting keeps us going.

Yet, God gently nudges us again until eventually, we are brought face to face with a choice: how we will carry the weight of pain and suffering.

When we stay in a fighting position, whether passively or aggressively, we become used to coping this way. It feels like an intrusion when truth gently brushes our deeply painful heart. And if we’re honest, we know exactly where that truth is coming from. For some of us, whether we realize it or not, we may be angry with God, the truth giver, for not explaining why he allowed this. Why he saves some from accidents, sickness, and death – and didn’t save mine.


When the worst day of my life came to my doorstep, I felt like I was drowning. I could not think of anyone else if I wanted to. The physical pain was so intense, so overwhelming, I wanted to die.

I am thankful for those early days of friendship and love. But then everyone goes home and life goes on.

Here is when the seeds of anger, resentment, bitterness, depression, and so much more can settle into a vulnerable, broken heart.

And at the right time, God nudges.

Joy and sorrow dwell together in this world. We are not victims of sorrow because God made a way to carry it. Not only that, but we have hope in his promises of eternity.

The Bible tells us to trust the Lord with all our heart and not to not rely on our human understanding. When we acknowledge him, he guides and directs us.

I chose to do that even though what I was feeling was nowhere near trusting God.

This is how we carry the weight – no matter what it is.

We can see God as an unfair, confusing, unpredictable entity who allows pain and suffering and is not to be trusted or believed in for that matter.

Or we can choose to see God as one who is ready to comfort, guide, and show us how to carry the weight through the pain and suffering in life, even when we don’t understand why it exists.

It’s okay to limp through life. I don’t believe for one second the mindset of some Christian streams of thinking/teaching/preaching who claim otherwise. I cannot look at photos of my son. I cannot listen to certain songs. I avoid stories of when he was here. I avoid places that make it worse. I avoid people who make it worse.

I live life differently and I have been absolutely amazed how God has let me know how close he is to me. Some little ways and some big ways. Thing is, no one can take that away from me. It is so personal to me, I can’t help but feel loved.

I hope you will respond to the nudges to your heart of trusting in a God who knows you don’t understand, but will help you in ways you won’t believe.



scripture friday.

scripture friday.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart,

and do not depend on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will direct your paths.

Proverbs 3


Axiraa via / CC BY-NC-ND


let not your heart be troubled.

let not your heart be troubled.

Today, I read a story of a baby who died.

The mother wrote beautifully about her very difficult experience. Every word felt like observing a polished pearl.

Then there are the stories of babies…children…who did not die. In just the nick of time, medication was administered, an accident was prevented, a prayer was answered.

In just the nick of time.

Where was the answer for my child, you ask.

Why did God look away when I cried out to Him?

A quiet acceptance will come to those who trust in the Lord with all of their heart.

Do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do.

He will show you which path to take.

In the end, we will all arrive at our destination. It feels so far away, but it isn’t.

Your baby…your child…is with our Heavenly Father.

Keep this in your mind always.

One day you will see your baby again.

Let not your heart be troubled. Believe in God.

daisy 10
guilherme-pavan via / CC BY-NC-SA


scripture friday.

scripture friday.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart;

do not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do,

and he will guide your path.

– The Bible



Photo credit: schmollmolch / Foter / CC BY

scripture friday.

scripture friday.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

– The Bible