Archive | April 2018

the pain of disappointment.

Being disappointed doesn’t rank up there with the big hurts of life. Somehow, we just move on.

But disappointment has a way of taking up residence inside of us. It waits for the next disappointment so it can grow.

I’ve thought a lot about my life and the disappointments along the way. Some feel very big to me. Some not so much.

Let’s give disappointment its rightful place by acknowledging its ability to hurt. Don’t dismiss it by thinking it’s no big deal.

When I would be disappointed, my initial response would be to think: at least I am not this poor person going through this or that or it could be worse.

This is a good thing because we do have to remind ourselves that disappointment happens to every single human being in some way, shape or form. Knowing this will help us to be thankful for the good in our lives and being thankful does have a positive affect.

But even this will only carry us so far. Have you ever felt disappointed even when things were going good?  Have you heard of people who have attained a goal and found themselves still not feeling completely satisfied and disappointed?

That’s because it is human nature no matter who you are, where you came from, or what you have accomplished (or not accomplished) to feel disappointment.

Disappointment lodges inside of us because we are either trusting in another person or an action that failed.  Sometimes it is because we aren’t feeling satisfied, fulfilled, or happy.

The good news is this: God has a remedy for disappointment.

I have been a Christian for 40 years. When I think of God, I am not disappointed.

That’s not to say I haven’t been disappointed with God. It took many disappointments, anger, and wrestling with whether I wanted to accept and trust him. This might be especially difficult if you know you’ve worked hard at doing the right things to attain a particular outcome. Talk about disappointment – when a Christian follows God and does things his way – only to come up empty handed.

It is human nature to go off in our own direction. Our will is very strong. If a good, imperfect, earthly father directs his children, how much more will God guide and direct us? If we don’t like what God says or we have another way, we will take it. Just like that stubborn toddler or defiant teenager. This is part of our broken and faulty condition that requires a whole and perfect God.

God made us to respond to him. But he gave us a free will. We can take him or leave him.

When you surrender your will to God, it will always mean taking your hands off the wheel and trusting him. He will give you a peaceful mind. This shatters disappointment in a million pieces.

Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I think having peace of mind is far better than getting what you wanted or what you thought would happen (or not happen). Peace is a steady calm that is developed over time. It is not fickle depending on the circumstances. It feels the pain, sorrow, and even angst, but decidedly and willingly returns to the peaceful disposition only God provides.

The culmination of life is this: eternity. I have this hope deeply embedded. Not a human definition of hope, ” I hope there is eternity in Heaven”, which makes you feel uneasy or anxious.

Hope that means assurance. Looking forward to what has been promised.

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Life is full of joys and sorrows. We have to know how to navigate through the ups and downs or we will live in disappointment. One day everything may be perfect, only to have it all come crashing down the next day. God doesn’t want us to live with fear of tomorrow’s disappointments. He wants us to have peace in an unpredictable world.

This only happens when we trust him with our disappointments.

butterfly away from hand

 

 

Advertisements

shoulder taps.

Why Friends Abandon Grievers

“I am a billboard for loss. My life screams, “We are NOT in control!” And that is scary. Most folks run away from scary if they can”, author Melanie says. Very true.

thelifeididntchoose

It happens in all kinds of ways.  One friend just slowly backs off from liking posts on Facebook, waves at a distance from across the sanctuary, stops texting to check up on me.

Another observes complete radio silence as soon as she walks away from the graveside. 

Still another hangs in for a few weeks-calls, texts, even invites me to lunch until I can see in her eyes that my lack of “progress” is making her uneasy.  Then she, too, falls off the grid.

Why do people do that? 

Why is it, when we need them most, many friends-and I mean really, truly FRIENDSjust can’t hang in and hold on?

I admit in the early days I didn’t care WHY they did it. 

It broke my heart and enraged me all at the same time.  I felt abandoned, judged, forgotten, pressured to conform to some unwritten standard…

View original post 531 more words