Why Friends Abandon Grievers

Why Friends Abandon Grievers

“I am a billboard for loss. My life screams, “We are NOT in control!” And that is scary. Most folks run away from scary if they can”, author Melanie says. Very true.


It happens in all kinds of ways.  One friend just slowly backs off from liking posts on Facebook, waves at a distance from across the sanctuary, stops texting to check up on me.

Another observes complete radio silence as soon as she walks away from the graveside. 

Still another hangs in for a few weeks-calls, texts, even invites me to lunch until I can see in her eyes that my lack of “progress” is making her uneasy.  Then she, too, falls off the grid.

Why do people do that? 

Why is it, when we need them most, many friends-and I mean really, truly FRIENDSjust can’t hang in and hold on?

I admit in the early days I didn’t care WHY they did it. 

It broke my heart and enraged me all at the same time.  I felt abandoned, judged, forgotten, pressured to conform to some unwritten standard…

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2 thoughts on “Why Friends Abandon Grievers

  1. Thank you for posting, Kathleen. Our lives change in every way after the death of a child or loved one. Not one part of it is the same. Only people who have experienced loss, especially the loss you and I have grieved, have any inclination of all that has been affected.

    I feel very much alone in this. I cry alone. Alone forever…..until I enter Heaven.

    God bless you. Hugs.

  2. As always, I appreciate our contact here 🙂 I was recently thinking that as Christians, we do expect more and when it is lacking, we are confused.

    That’s because we are like the wounded man on the side of the road, completely vulnerable, although, our wounds are not visible. This parable (and other scriptures) become our daily bread. We are not shouting our pain from the roof tops, expecting people to fall all over us. We are in deep pain – not only with our severe loss, but wondering where God’s protection was. We don’t understand the silence from people who boldly declare they are equipped with purpose, destiny, and/or the power of the Holy Spirit yet miss the simple cup of water in Jesus’ Name.

    Perhaps that is God’s message since it seems to be so common among grieving parents. Just like the letters to the churches in Revelation – “I have this against you”?

    Maybe that is a stretch because I want to see what the good is that God is working through us. Yet, I know I have seen God in ways I never did before and I think that would be important.

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