a mother’s grief.

Since my son died, there is a part of my heart that is numb.

It was fractured . Just like a broken bone, it mended.

But it doesn’t look the same. It doesn’t work the same.

Did you ever cut your hand? Even though it healed, there is a scar? Or it feels numb in that area?

It’s like that.

A part of my heart lost its feeling. I can’t remember the last time I felt that down deep, warm feeling about someone or something.

I want to. I so desperately miss that feeling. But it’s gone. It just doesn’t work.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not walking around like a shell. It may not be noticed by others.

But I notice.

I don’t dwell on this. That’s the key. You have to live with it. It doesn’t define who you are, but it definitely affects who you are.

And this is the hidden part that frustrates people because you are not who you once were.

If this describes you, you are not alone! We’re going to make it. We have to. There’s life to live and people to love!

But it’s a choice. Just like the person who is told they are unlikely to walk again, they do not focus on what they can’t do but what they can do…or might do!

And for me, I know God has covered that part of my heart, and protects it from further damage.

He wants to do that for you, too.

photo credit: @Doug88888 / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

6 thoughts on “a mother’s grief.”

Wow! This is excellent and totally explains some of how I feel right now. Awesome article!

I know. Reading/talking to others about what it feels like is very helpful.

I feel the exact same way, too. I haven’t been, nor will I be, the same ever again since my husband passed away. A big part of my heart was broken. I’m moving on very slowly…one step at a time.

Kathleen Moulton says:

March 26, 2014 at 4:37 pm

Good for you, Nancy. As I’ve been writing for 2 years I’ve come in contact with many who share similar stories of grief. Not sure our culture understands it like they did back in the day. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Thank you Kathy! We all face hurts, heartaches, disappointments and scars in life. All in different ways and at different levels. Satan’s plan is to kill steal and destroy however he can. This a good reminder that God never leaves us and has better things for us. And you are right we are not the same person. I like how you said God wil guard that area of our hearts because sometimes I want to do the guarding and I just build walls instead.