There are fleeting moments when I want to take a step with complete abandonment but then something holds me back.
Do not enjoy. Do not have fun. Do not be happy.
I did not have this strange feeling before my son died.
You could say I’m gun shy. Or I’m waiting for the other shoe to fall.
Something like that.
There’s one place in my heart that is not beating in rhythm with the rest of it. It’s just a small spot. But I’m always aware of it. Even when my mind is not thinking of what happened.
I’ve pulled away from certain parts of what once was. It’s like I have to have power over something. But it’s more that I cannot let that lost part of me connect.
Like a trampled flower reaching toward the sun for its daily bread.
It counts when life is still good.
Even when you aren’t walking in step.
when it hurts 
Why can’t I leave a comment on your site? I was wondering if you have told your story in a book or article that I can access. After reading your blog this morning I learned you lost a son. I’m going to pray for you right now.
Hi, Marlene. You did comment – it went through fine. No, I have not told my story because I won’t make money off of what happened. I just can’t. But I do want to point others to the Lord. He has been my anchor!
Thank-you for praying!