Since losing Christopher, there have been small markers along the way which have helped me to live with such deep sorrow and loss.
If you’re a mother, you know what I mean. A piece of my heart is missing. I know it. I feel it.
I know God sees it, too.
Eleven years later, he still whispers truths to me that open my eyes to greater understanding.
The truth shall set you free.
It doesn’t put the missing piece back in my heart, but it helps my mind.
There are things that do not occur to us. We just don’t know everything.
Here is an excerpt from a book I am reading, Walking With God Through Pain and Suffering by Timothy Keller. It was a truth God showed me some years ago and reading it only solidified it in my mind.
(I did not begin reading all kinds of books on grieving and suffering after Chris’ death. I took the position of letting God “lead” me. Reading would have been a kind of mission for me and it would have only complicated my already overwhelmed mind.)
” … … the meaning of life in our Western society is individual freedom. There is no higher good than the right and freedom to decide for yourself what you think is good. But if the meaning of life is individual freedom and happiness, then suffering is of no possible “use”. In this worldview, the only thing to do with suffering is to avoid it at all costs, or, if it unavoidable, manage and minimize the emotions of pain and discomfort as much as possible.”
Isn’t it true? We try to manage or minimize the emotions of pain and discomfort as much as possible. Mostly because of other people who expect us to be who we were.
Heck, even we want to be who we were until we figure out we can’t do it.
And if we aren’t doing it to ourselves, others are doing it for us. Even the distance so many feel from friends and family is a form of managing or minimizing the discomfort.
In the Western world especially, but not exclusively, (because of the great strides of progress and readily available solutions throughout all the world), we fail miserably at understanding grief.
Because it takes time.
There are no quick fixes.
And that good ol’ American spirit just doesn’t jive with suffering.
God wired us to handle suffering.
And he promised to walk through it with us.
Let truth set you free.