grief is work.

grief is work.


Grief is work.

The reason it’s work is because your life changes course. New emotions you are not accustomed to will rudely interrupt your life. Your life will slow down and what you want is to keep going the way you were – and you can’t. You finally face the fact: you have to slow down and reassess.

Common symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.

  • Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.
  • Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
  • Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
  • Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
  • Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
  • Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.


Be patient with yourself. Even if others are not.



Grief is work.


I had never thought about it like that, until I was hit with it.

Grief plunges you into an abyss. The last thing you want to do is work yourself out of that bottomless pit.

But grief is not that kind of work – trying to “get better” or to feel normal.

The work is letting yourself be taken down an unfamiliar path, and going with it when you don’t want to.

You will not feel your old self because the person you lost was part of your old self.

Put your shovel down and rest.