I’ve been writing here consistently for almost 4 years, 3 times a week.
My purpose was to help myself through choosing Philippians 4:8 (which really works to keep your mind peaceful), to help others (there is hope and God writes the final chapter of our lives), and to develop a platform in pursuing a career in writing.
Those things are still important to me. I have been busy with other responsibilities over the last couple of months I have not taken the time to write here.
I will pick up writing consistently again at some point. But for now, it will be sporadic. If you read here, please know my priority is to be a real-life example of God sustaining me through the loss of my son and how that continues in every area of my life, even if I don’t post the personal particulars.
That said, my real reason for writing today is to write about how I seem to be navigating through turning 60.
It’s just a number but there are some real changes in thinking when a new decade rolls around. Life seems to bring about those changes, not because one implements them.
My faith is my bedrock. It is grounded in truth and I know this to be true. Just like measurements are used for a successful result, the truth found in the Bible is a measurement for a successful result – even if that means you make it through something difficult or tragic.
Since losing Christopher, there is a filter on my life. I see through a different lens. It is not unfocused. It is not cloudy. It is not dirty. If this sounds familiar, some will elude to the fact that you are not the same, therefore you are not seeing things correctly.
Not sure if it’s you they are really concerned about as much as it is their issue.
Life after losing a child is no different than having an injury resulting in life long, chronic pain. You manage. You live differently.
But only God can give you peace.
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Hearts and minds. How wonderful. Because a confused mind and a broken heart need peace.
It’s not like you will never have bad moments or days. But the peace will always kick in.
Because God loves you.
Back to turning 60.
We can go a life time thinking and doing things a certain way. It’s our normal.
But then we discover it is okay to stop doing something we’ve always done.
Like “put the face on” in order to make everyone else feel better.
It’s a daughter thing. It’s a wife thing. It’s a mom thing.
And depending on your particular situation and what is available to you, for the very first time in your life, you may have to think of yourself first.
And it might mean STOP.
As I have gotten older, I’ve seen the limitations at times, causing me to re-think my normal response. I used to be johnny-on-the-spot. No pondering. Just action.
I can’t do that so much anymore. Let’s just say I think it through first. Since losing Chris, my emotional capacity is limited. Just like a person’s physical range of motion may be limited.
Thing is, when you lose a child (I am certain it’s true of other losses, but it is readily acknowledged the loss of a child is the worst), people do not see the limitations.
But you see them.
I am now at a place in life where I have at least accepted the fact that I can no longer keep pleasing others in exchange for my own well being. If they don’t get it or if they won’t get it – then so be it.
If you’ve lost a child, maybe this resonates with you. Because mothers, in particular, already put everyone else first. And we continue to want to make sure everyone else is okay without at least identifying the times when we are not.
Often, we seek out the validation of others in order to allow ourselves to be who we are.
Often, people will not understand. How can they? Don’t spiral down into hopelessness.
God says, I will never leave you or forsake you.
You don’t really know this until you are alone.
I am on my way for the very first time in my life, being confident in who I am despite what others think I should be.
The truth sets you free.