narcissism.

narcissism.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

There are a lot of labels these days. I don’t disagree with labels. It is a way to identify weaknesses and behaviors that need an explanation. It just helps us to process.

I have been reading about the various types of narcissism and with it, those who have been hurt by it. I came across this and thought it was worth posting, simply because narcissism can make the recipient feel like they are crazy. The manipulation, gaslighting, and lies that are told is vicious.

Hope this helps.

Most people know PTSD as something that comes from one traumatic event—war, assault, accident. CPTSD is different. CPTSD comes from long-term exposure to emotional, psychological, and spiritual trauma. And narcissistic abuse is one of the clearest pathways to it.

PTSD says: “That event hurt me.”

CPTSD says: “That environment rewired me.”

Here’s how it shows up:

1. You Don’t Feel Safe Being Yourself

You’re hyper-aware of tone, mood, facial expressions.

You learned that authenticity = punishment.

So you shrink, perform, or mask to survive.

2. Your Nervous System Is Always On Edge

You’re either anxious, shut down, or angry. Rarely calm.

Your body learned chaos as “normal.” Peace feels unfamiliar… even threatening.

3. You Doubt Your Own Reality

Gaslighting trained you to question your memory, motives, and instincts.

You over-explain.

Over-justify.

Over-apologize.

Not because you’re weak—but because you were trained to mistrust yourself.

(author unknown)

children are resilient.

children are resilient.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines resilience as an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

I recently completed a college childhood development course covering birth to adolescence. It was fascinating to learn the physical development of the brain throughout each stage of life and what components are responsible for various functions.

This was not only about physical milestones. It covered emotional and mental development and how children are able (or unable) to accomplish specific objectives. One reason more than ever I love working with middle school students is because I now have a greater understanding of what children mentally or emotionally can or cannot accomplish. When I help my students, in a way, I am helping my 13 something year old self.

The college text I used did not reveal any biases in terms of heavily liberal or conservative ideologies. Facts were presented with various childhood development theories (can I say here that I think Sigmund Freud was out of his mind?). Science and medicine is an ongoing process. There will always be questions, hypotheses, experiments, and observations. Always.

One statement in my textbook stood out to me: children are resilient.

It resonated with me deeply because when I consider some of the painful situations I experienced as a child, it is amazing to me that I emotionally survived it. There were some serious situations that could have should have not happened. But they did. Certainly my faith throughout the years has been significant in helping me resolve the damage. Some unbelievers might argue differently. But will they argue with a NY state college textbook?

When you are involved in a church for decades, you hear many biblical promises that easily can become catch phrases such expecting “cheerful obedience” from your child. That sort of lines up with children should be seen and not heard and as my textbook says, an authoritarian parenting style. This is the mindset of expecting behavior that the child is not able to do. Would we expect a 3 month old to walk? But we expect (and even demand) a 13 year old to “straighten up and fly right” (which ironically, is a catch phrase from my parent’s generation from a Nat King Cole song). Perhaps one of the books a first time parent should read is one outlining childhood brain development. It would be beneficial, especially during the adolescent years. While children are resilient, wouldn’t we want all of the information to best serve them? Resiliency certainly isn’t an excuse to be neglectful.

We all have our stories. Some have situations worse than others. But we are who we are and pain is pain and how we interpret it as children (or adults for that matter) needs to be validated. Sometimes that is all a child or adult needs. Ackowledgment. Admission. You weren’t crazy. I did this. And getting an apology is nice but that may not happen.

We live in a time when understanding human behavior and conditions is at the forefront. The availablity of the internet with all of the podcasts, online articles, and Youtube, abound. We get to hear what everyone thinks about any given topic. Anyone and everyone can chime in with opinions. As is typical, whenever a new way of thinking or doing happens, it is easy to jump on the bandwagon. This is being human. And the Christian is not immune. Even in Christian circles it happens when one navigates toward a particular scripture that resonates with them and they build their life on it (e.g. faith movement).

One hot topic today is adult children crying foul because of their childhood. There are severe cases of abuse and I am not dismissing that. In fact, God has something to say about hurting children:

It would be better to be thrown into the sea with a millstone hung around your neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.

There is a tendency for us to go too far with anything until we should find balance. Inflciting pain upon a parent with boundaries (e.g. not talking to them, withholding grandchildren, etc.) because they are “toxic” might be just as bad as you being toxic to them. Again, there are valid reasons and I will not judge those reasons. But certainly, because we are capable of chasing the shiny objects of new trends, we should contemplate some deep questions. We are living in a time when people want to feel better and maybe the focus can become too self centered at times.

For the Christian, we carry a responsibility. When we say we are “in the world but not of it”, it means we have the ability to live free from the weight of human emotions of bitterness, anger, resentment, lust, etc. When the Apostle Paul asked God to remove the “thorn in the flesh” (something that was difficult), God said: “My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” This wasn’t some dry commandment to obey. God didn’t say, “Straighten up and fly right, Paul”. He offered freedom for Paul telling him what was in him to overcome. There is a mysterious transfer of our mind, will, and emotions that occurs when we do it God’s way. And Paul had to agree with it for it to happen.

But even if we don’t agree, in God’s goodness to humanity, he has wired us to overcome much. There is a reason why memes such as, “You got this” and “I believe in you” resonate with us.

Children are no different. They, too, are wired to be resilient.

God promises that there will be a day when he will wipe away every tear of our pain and suffering. We can gain inspiration from my favorite chapter in the Bible, Hebrews 11. We are surrounded by a great cloud of men and women who went before us, endured pain and suffering without understanding why, because of the hope God put in them and in us.

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listen.

listen.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Life is going to do what life does. It’s going to rise. It’s going to fall. It’s going to be beautiful. It’s going to be tragic. It’s going to be mundane. It’s going to be chaotic. It’s going to be full of joy and it’s going to be full of grief.

Time is going to do what time does. It’s going to move slowly. It’s going to move at lightning speed. There will be moments where you feel like you have too much time on your hands and there will be other moments where you don’t have nearly enough.

People are going to do what people do. They’re going to breathe life into you. They’re going to knock the wind out of you. They’re going to disappoint. They’re going to excite. They’re going to surprise you—in the best ways and in the worst.

But God is also going to do what God does. He’s going to guide. He’s going to comfort. He’s going to direct. He’s going to lead. He’s going to sustain. He’s going to forgive. He’s going to heal. And he’s going to love.

-anonymous

james 1.

james 1.

by Kathleen Moulton

Faith and Endurance

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.  But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.  Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.

Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field.  The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements.

 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.  And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.

So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.

Listening and Doing

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.  So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

 But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.  For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.  But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

trusting God.

trusting God.

by Kathleen Moulton

In Proverbs, the Bible says:


Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.


Two things stand out to me.


1. Don’t try to understand everything.
2. Straight paths don’t mean everything will happen the way you want.

We don’t like that.

Do you understand how the universe was formed? Or how a baby is formed in the womb? Or how birds migrate?

Yet, we want to understand the bad things that happen in our lives.

God doesn’t leave us without comfort. He promises us that one day we will understand. He promises us that he will give us comfort and strength to endure the pain we suffer in life. He promises he will wipe away every tear.

For now though, he gives us the strength to endure. The one who created the universe is able to do that.

In this instant gratification world, you are not going to understand. God makes it clear and he tells us to trust him.

I get it. You have heard claims made of God’s love and when things go sideways in life, you want to make sense of it. We even hold God accountable: “If this is how God loves I don’t want any part of him.”


Isn’t it interesting how we get on Amazon and look at all the reviews before a purchase? We research the next car, stove, and exercise equipment before buying. We try to figure everything out so everything will work out.

But this. Eternity. The most important “purchase”.

God has already created us to know eternity is real.


He has set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

We pay more attention here rather than there. When you live consistently with an awareness of eternity … trusting God will be a simple concept.

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a thought vs. thinking.

a thought vs. thinking.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 2 Comments

I’ve been a Christian for almost 50 years. Committed and devoted to the scripture and the local church.

Recently, I came upon this book:

If you are familiar with the scripture about taking thoughts captive obedient to Christ, you know what this means. But has anyone told you how?

One thing I have discovered (in all my thinking) is while our churches are places of focused attention on living and serving faithfully through our understanding of the scriptures, our churches don’t have all the answers.

I can hear the gasps.

Based on these two statements I’ve been told over the years:

  1. “There is no perfect church”
  2. We walk in as much light/faith as we have been given.

… I have concluded that those two things tell me that our churches don’t have all of the answers.

Sorry, but many times we become smug in our churches and it is wrong (Just like when my son took his life and I was told that people just don’t know what to say. Excuse me? I thought we were spirit filled and had the mind of Christ and the word of the Lord? But that’s another story).

I’m not bitter. Just trying to prove a point.

Point being, I have lived for 50 years without knowing how to take thoughts captive. Until this book.

I know Christians who would question – is this author a Christian? Oh my goodness he said “mantra” and “divine power”.

Slow down. He says God, too.

Anyway, if you are a ruminator, a thinker, consider listening or reading this book. It is so simple I can’t believe it.

If you are trying to figure out how to take thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ, here it is.

“Pain and suffering is not the same thing. Pain is unavoidable but how we react to that pain is up to us. And that reaction is will dictate whether or not we will suffer.”

context.

context.

by Kathleen Moulton

I had a thought this morning.

We are not all okay.

In other words, we think this person or that person is doing well because they look happy.

Not true.

Everyone of us have something on our minds. A place in our hearts or minds that have this empty space of disappointment, sadness, loss.

Then I began to think about people who lived throughout the centuries and what kind of life they had. Particularly, I thought about the pioneers who explored and the settlers who settled. The day to day, mundane, unpredictable existence they experienced.

Their world view was limited. Each day they had purpose and found a life of contentment in what they did. How do I know this? Because it’s in all of us. The ability to be content in undesirable situations. God created us and he put it in us. Some call it human potential or resiliency because you don’t have to be a Christian to have it. Most of us have the ability to get up, brush ourselves off, and keep going.

Fast forward to 2025. Look at all we have. Now compare yourself to them.

Are we any different? Obviously, we have amazing advancements in medicine and technology. And certainly, that has impacted our physical and mental compacity to not only have knowledge, but solutions, and the ability to exceed in ways that our predecessors never had.

Yet, inside, we are the same. We experience all of the emotions to life’s challenges.

That is context.

All of my life, I have taken a step back to consider the men and women who suffered throughout the centuries. It has given me inspiration, courage, and perseverance. What God has put in all of us can only be enhanced by knowing him through the promises of the scripture.

It reminds me of Hebrews 11, often referred as the faith chapter; a list of men and women who endured suffering. They endured because they saw things in context – that their suffering and ultimate death was not the end. They knew that God promised what was waiting for them in eternity.

Then Hebrews 12:1:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us; fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Not only does remembering the bigger picture step us out of our small thinking, exasperated by our tendency to be overly focused on ourselves, but it gives us the reason for context: there is an end to the story.

Get context.

it’s all i’ve got.

it’s all i’ve got.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 2 Comments

There are no words for what happened in Kerr County, TX, last week.

No words of comfort.

No words of closure.

No words that will stop the hemorrhaging or heal the shattered hearts.

In recent months, I was finally beginning to understand what God thinks about me. Maybe it has been a series of events of being abandoned that has taken me this long. I don’t dwell on that but I’ve spent a lifetime searching for meaning. All I know is I was beginning to relax in knowing that God really does value me, really does love me, and will not abandon me.

I was finally coming to a place of reassurance and peace. And then came this. The little girls ripped from their beds, carried away in horrendous fear, and ultimately, death.

Jesus loves me, this I know? Why didn’t he stop it? What is this thing Christians believe?

I am still in the process of trying to figure this out. I want so desperately to comprehend. I am frustrated because there is nothing that makes sense.

I ask God the question: how can I trust you? How can I believe that it is you who are helping me through life’s confusion and difficulties? How can I really believe that you are in tune with my life and that you hear my prayers? Obviously, the parents who left their little girls at this camp prayed for them – among other things – their safety.

And then of course, the triggers of emotions buried within me. I uttered these words so quietly: and you betrayed us. The tears welled up in my eyes of losing him 20 years ago. Tears that cannot fully come because I’ve cried so many there is nothing left. I want to cry. I can’t. But I feel it churning inside.

I remember when the disciples were confused and Jesus said to them, “Will you leave me, too?” And Peter piped up and said, “Where will we go? You have the words of life.”

You have the words of life.

Peter was right. No matter what we face in this world with all of its disappointments, sorrow, and confusion – where do we go? We can find temporary solutions but that is the problem. They are temporary. And we wake up the next morning with a hangover or guilt from the night before and what do we do? We go back for more.

You have the words of life.

But I can’t see you, God. And even though my mind tells me that I am seriously limited in trying to understand, it still hurts. 

I know people have suffered since the beginning of time. I know people are suffering today. But this. This hit me hard.

The Bible says God’s ways are not our ways and that his thoughts are not like ours. If we step back and believe he created the universe and everything in it, how can we possibly believe we can understand the why’s of suffering. It’s far too easy to say there is no God if he allows us to suffer. I cannot go there because then, I will find solutions elsewhere and honestly, there is nothing that will help. Every human solution I can think of often makes things worse.

All I have is this:

God says he will keep us in perfect peace when we trust him.

He says to trust him with our whole heart and not try to understand.

He  promises to fix it all someday by wiping away every tear we’ve cried.

That’s all I’ve got.

And Christians throughout the centuries – that’s all they had, too.

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in the context of things.

in the context of things.

by Kathleen Moulton

Have you ever thought about what life was like 100 years ago? 200? 50?

Perhaps there is no other time in history when we have we been so privileged – in the United States and other developed countries. (Although, there are people who live with far less access to wealth and opportunity who are reported to be content).

With all of our advances in science, medicine, and technology, are we much different than people who lived without it? Certainlly, we have it far easier. Even people who live below the poverty level seem to have a cell phone and can afford McDonald’s. It might not sound like much, but it would mean something to people who lived 100 years ago.

I think the context in which we live has an impact on our world view. People who lived 200 years ago did not have the abundance we have now. While there has always been the wealthy, for most people, I imagine there was more motivation to do all it took for survival. Time was spent working to that end. There was no television, Tik Tok, or Door Dash to waste the day away, putting off thinking about things another day.

Am I the only one who thinks about the suffering on the Mayflower? The colonists? The pioneers? People like you and me, hoped for something beyond here and now.

As little as 60 years ago, people sold their home in order to pay medical bills. I know of one person who said his father got up every morning at 4:30 am to take various modes of transportation, including walking, into NYC to work in a factory. This was common. People did what they had to do and I can only imagine the resiliency and perseverance factor was off the charts.

Humans suffered throughout the centuries and humans are suffering today. Perhaps the suffering is different but suffering is suffering no matter how you look at it. Suffering for one might be extremely difficult compared to another. Bottom line, no matter when we live, human suffering is with us.

There are times to fight against it and we should. But then there are times when there is nothing to be done but to accept. Not with a fatalist mindset. With hope.

When there is death of a loved one, there is suffering. I do not contend that people who lived 100+ years ago dealt with loss more easily than we do today but they experienced more of it. I think there was an acceptance of the inevitable since diseases were prevelant and life spans were reduced compared to today.

I think we take things for granted because we have so much available to us. It’s not really our fault. We are a product of our environment.

But I do think we are responsible for our responses to suffering. I think we have to expand our thinking beyond the four walls of our mind and looking at history is crucial.

Some of us look back into history, consider the challenges, and learn from it. If we compartmentalize history with the mindset of “that was then and this is now”, without considering our make-up is really not different than our predecessors, we will be missing something that is meant to help us.

When we lose a loved one, does it help us to consider how our ancestors processed it? Even though wearing black and spending a specific amount of days in mourning occurred, they felt what we feel today.

There is no amount of medical, scientific, or technological advancements that can change the pain. However, today, we have access to help through those entities with medicine, understanding the brain, and access to online resources to help us.

I think one of the best ways to look at death is to consider those men and women who lived throughout the centuries and remember we are “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses“. There is something about connecting with people that understand. We are strengthened and even comforted.

I believe spirituality is a major component available to us. In the Christian faith, there are promises of hope, comfort, and eternity of being reunited with our loved one. Without this hope, what do we have? We can’t change the fact that if we are honest, we do wonder about life after death.

The Bible says that God has written eternity on our hearts. That means we are hardwired to wonder. What we have to do is respond to it in some way – or not.

Some people get angry at God for allowing bad things to happen. For me, it is very difficult when Christians have a good outcome of prayer and believe God will always give good outcomes. That is not always the case. Some people miraculously survive a car accident while other people do not. We have to do something with this fact. We either ignore it or accept it.

It’s more than just “taking the good with the bad”. We can’t survive only on that thinking. We were created to dig much deepr than that and only God can help.

Why is there suffering? I don’t know. I only know that God promises that one day he will fix it all. He will wipe away every tear and there will be no more sorrow or death.

We were made to look ahead. It doesn’t stop at death.

It begins there.

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