There are no quick fixes for grief. It’s a process that continues the rest of your life. You are not the same person. In some ways you are better. In some ways you are not.
If it weren’t for God, I would not have made it. I didn’t hold onto him as much as he held onto me. When no one understands, God does. When no one is there, God is.
How can I explain the calmness that came upon me in the middle of many nights?
How can I explain joy in the midst of sorrow?
How can I explain being content with unanswered questions?
I can’t. I can only say it exists. I felt it.
The very same God who did not intervene when my son died, is the same God who protected me from grief overtaking me. Thing is, many people turn away from God. I did not.
That’s because I made a choice to trust God, believing he knows all the answers to my questions. I won’t know “why” today. But someday, I will. Because he promises that there will be a day when he wipes away every tear and there will be no more sorrow or death.
For me, that is an answer. He knows life will be painful. For now.
And I choose to keep that day in my thoughts.