quick fixes – when it hurts

There are no quick fixes for grief. It’s a process that continues the rest of your life. You are not the same person. In some ways you are better. In some ways you are not.

If it weren’t for God, I would not have made it. I didn’t hold onto him as much as he held onto me. When no one understands, God does. When no one is there, God is.

How can I explain the calmness that came upon me in the middle of many nights?

How can I explain joy in the midst of sorrow?

How can I explain being content with unanswered questions?

I can’t. I can only say it exists. I felt it.

The very same God who did not intervene when my son died, is the same God who protected me from grief overtaking me. Thing is, many people turn away from God. I did not.

That’s because I made a choice to trust God, believing he knows all the answers to my questions. I won’t know “why” today. But someday, I will. Because he promises that there will be a day when he wipes away every tear and there will be no more sorrow or death.

For me, that is an answer. He knows life will be painful. For now.

And I choose to keep that day in my thoughts.

The American culture is particularly focused on productivity, quick fixes, and formulas.

None of the above applies to someone who is grieving the loss of a child.

Even many church cultures are influenced by the American culture. The Bible is full of pro-active mandates and it fits nicely with the culture’s mantras.

As Christians, we have to reign ourselves in. I know I practice this in my own life. What I do, think, and say must be God’s heart.

Instead, I often see this scenario: people who are “victims” are encouraged to rise above it, press on, and fight the good fight. It’s like telling someone who just got a leg mangled in a car accident to walk.

Grieving people have mangled hearts.

And because we are an impatient culture, there are few who are willing to be patient with grief. What I mean by that is not being there 24/7 for someone who is grieving, but to keep in mind God’s heart: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit … in humility value others above yourselves … (Philippians 2:3)

This means the person who is grieving is not going to be who he or she was before the grief. Just like the person with the mangled leg will have scars or a limp for the rest of his life. If your theology is only to “press on” with faith, you will have expectations for people which are unrealistic.

Personally, I’ve been gossiped about and expected to rise above my loss. I know first hand the push of productivity, quick fixes, and formulas. Forgiveness is not a problem. But being exposed to it is.