… of the unanswered kind.
I was known as an intercessor. That meant I prayed for people and situations. A lot.
I was so intent on believing God for so many things that it was second nature to me. I’m not talking about name-it-and-claim-it, but things like: Christ is healer so pray for healing. Jesus said we would do greater works so get out there and believe for greater works.
Today, I can count on 1 hand how many times I’ve prayed in the last 10 years since Christopher died and it’s been the Lord’s Prayer with an emphasis on Thy will be done.
This may bother some people. But when your child dies, things change.
I know prayer is important. The Bible says to pray without ceasing and the fervent prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Weren’t my prayers for my son fervent enough?
Weren’t my prayers for him the morning of the day we were told he died powerful and effective enough?
Maybe I wasn’t righteous enough?
Initially, those were my questions. But now I know that there is another side to the coin in scripture.
I don’t have the whole picture, but I do know that we should be prepared when we have given our whole lives to something noble – in Jesus’ name – only to see dismal results.
People who have answered prayer rejoice, “God heard my prayer!” And you know what? I rejoice with them.
But what happens when your prayer is not answered? Didn’t God hear your prayer?
They are the people who rejoice with empty hands because they have learned to trust God. They carefully measure their words when good comes their way. They wear Job’s words on their heart: Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.
God has not disqualified, distanced, or disowned you because you are facing the pain or loss of unanswered prayer. One dies in an accident and another lives. One finds help just in time and another does not.
When you don’t have the answer, God does.
when it hurts 
Kathleen, you have echoed what I believe about prayer. I could have written these words. My entire prayer life has changed and I find that I say the Lord’s Prayer now because it is the model prayer. God knows what is in my heart. The Bible says that (Romans 8:26English Standard Version (ESV)
26. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.”
My prayers have changed, too. So much has changed that I don’t recognize myself anymore. I still talk to God but my requests are phrased differently.
I am so glad you commented, lensgirl.
When you face a tragedy such as losing a child, (recognized as the worst thing), your breath gets sucked out of you. Well, I know all about how Satan uses these opportunities to destroy us, but for me, the answer hasn’t been to get back on that horse and keep at it. I can’t. I have a broken heart and it makes me different. No different than someone who had a physical injury that has left them paralyzed or limping.
Because I am not the same, because I am not as involved as I once was, doesn’t mean Satan has taken advantage of me, even though some Christians look at it that way. Because God works all things together for good, how about thinking that God knew how I would handle my tragedy? Just as he gave Satan permission to afflict Job? How about being careful to not form opinions (Job’s friends)?
I am always careful with my words as to not offend. But what I write today is the truth. It is without bitterness or malice. It is as valid as someone rejoicing at answered prayer. I rejoice that I trust God with unanswered prayer.
It is truly a deeper level of relationship 🙂