The true victims of suicide – the family – are often victimized again through the words and actions of others.

It is often said, “Well, people don’t know what to say.” and the family is supposed to have more understanding for these people than expecting understanding from them.

If they don’t know what to say, why don’t they just not say anything?

And why does the family have to accept that they say the wrong thing?

Ironically, the grieving family often does accept it. They are hurting so badly that what difference does more hurt make?

Just know this: if the grieving family does receive hurt from others, they will simply and quietly distance themselves. And then, be prepared. Because more comments will come!

What is the solution?

Suicide is frightening. I get that people mostly run from it. I get it is awkward.

But what is wrong with people who cannot imagine the horrific pain the family and/or friends are experiencing…enough to not talk about them behind their backs?

If you are one who has experienced this, know this:

God says he is near the broken-hearted. You may not think he is, but he is. He knows all the specifics. When you know this, you can walk through life with your heart protected from the painful words and judgments from others. “What’s wrong with him?” “She is not the same.”

You think?

And maybe he/she is “not the same” because of what you have said?

Comments such as this are so absurd, you finally reach the point realizing people like this are more than clueless. They are self-absorbed and ignorant to the feelings of others.

Continue to walk through these situations, knowing God is your defender. Be patient. It will take time, but I promise – you will come through it strong, peaceful, and even joyful. That is because God becomes real to you and you trust him, knowing one day you will see your loved one again.

Such wonderful hope!

When you lose a child to suicide, or anyone for that matter, the pain will always be there, but it won’t consume you.

Don’t allow yourself to become bitter with people. It will consume you and make you miserable. Move on and leave them behind if necessary. Kindly, of course.

When you believe God, you are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither– whatever they do prospers. Psalm 1

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photo credit: Mark Pouley via Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND