grief is work.

grief is work.

by Kathleen Moulton

May23

Grief is work.

The reason it’s work is because your life changes course. New emotions you are not accustomed to will rudely interrupt your life. Your life will slow down and what you want is to keep going the way you were – and you can’t. You finally face the fact: you have to slow down and reassess.

Common symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.

  • Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.
  • Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
  • Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
  • Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
  • Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
  • Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.

Source:  http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

Be patient with yourself. Even if others are not.

coming to terms with grief.

coming to terms with grief.

by Kathleen Moulton

The Key to Resolving Grief by Dr. Lani Leary

The key to resolving grief is the feeling of acceptance that comes through validation. To resolve means to settle, to work out, or to find meaning. It does not mean to erase, or to end. Grief does not end, but grief is transformed. Grief can soften. It can be accepted. It can take on another shape, rather than taking over a person’s life. One can carry grief differently after working through grief and finding resolution. But grief does not end.

The great healer of our grief is validation, not time. All grief needs to be blessed. In order to be blessed, it must be heard. Someone must be present, someone who is willing to “hold” it by listening without judgment or comparison.

Those who grieve need both verbal and non-verbal permission to feel whatever feelings arise during grief. Their personal way of experiencing their loss should be given consent and validation. The ways they “know” their grief should be honored. Mourners need to be encouraged to express their grief in ways that are most comfortable for them, through words, tears, song, art, movement, or activity.

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While grieving, those in pain need a sense of a compassionate presence. That is a person who provides a healthy relationship and companions them. It is the person who can “just be” with them in whatever way is helpful throughout the journey. There may be several people who support with their ability to be present, and each may offer different aspects that are needed. The bereaved need:

  1. To be cared for with your presence, permission, patience, predictability, and perseverance.
  2. To have their feelings acknowledged and their loved one remembered.
  3. To have their feelings and needs normalized.
  4. To be heard.
  5. To be seen and acknowledged.

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Photo courtesy: Jeff Kubina / Foter / CC BY-SA

how?

how?

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

Jun19

 

With all our technological, medical, and scientific advancements, the common and routine can frustrate us.

That’s because we are limited. And the first step of grieving is acknowledging and admitting death is inevitable. The truth sets us free. That means the part of us which is weighed down with confusion, discouragement, frustration and disappointment breaks free with acceptance.

We are made of the same stuff as our predecessors who lost loved ones to disease, accidents, and war.

We cannot stop it.

Generations before us lived with death. Does this make our personal grieving easier? No. But it helps us to know we are made of the same stuff as our ancestors. We’re human.

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We cannot control everything that happens to us the way we choose our ring tones or favorite search engine.

To grieve is to accept.

But to accept is to trust.

Trust in what? Or whom?

There is always someone who writes the book.

In the Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.

Genesis 1:1

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Photo Credit: Etolane / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND,

revisiting grief.

revisiting grief.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 2 Comments

Holidays, particularly during Christmas, are difficult times for people who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

For the next two weeks, I am going to re-post previous entries I’ve written on grief.

Perhaps grief is the most misunderstood emotion. The person grieving a deep loss, whether through death, divorce, or personal disappointments or failure, needs to be patient with themselves. But mostly, the people around them need to be patient.

If you know someone who needs to understand your grieving, consider sharing with them the next two weeks.

Jun17

How do I deal with grief?

We live in a world of instant gratification.

Even the poorest among us has access to a fast food lunch, a cell phone, and/or cable television.

The problem is not all things in life can be instantly gratified. Grief is one of those things.

We want to push it away for another day. We’ve got things to do and places to go. But grief interrupts our rhythm.

The world has advanced in leaps and bounds, but our soul hasn’t. We may adjust and accommodate  and even welcome the intrusions of someone’s random thoughts posted on a social website. Yet, our soul is the bedrock of who we are and it is limited. Without recognizing those limitations we expect more than we were made to handle.

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There has to be times of calmness. We were not made to be constantly alert.

Grieving the loss of someone cannot be filed with the rest of your daily activities. It won’t allow it. Grief will demand your attention and the more you try to keep at bay the more it will intrude. Ignoring it is like ignoring a bullet wound.

You can’t.

Next post: How?

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Photo Credit: Roozbeh Rokni / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

 

scripture friday.

scripture friday.

by Kathleen Moulton

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

– The Bible

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scripture friday.

scripture friday.

by Kathleen Moulton

Come now, let’s settle this, says the LORD.

Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow.

– TheBible

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beginnings.

beginnings.

by Kathleen Moulton

Beginnings are good.

A new year marks a new beginning. But don’t forget that every morning we get a new start, too.

Don’t despair when resolutions have been forgotten, you’ve gotten off track, or you’ve fallen flat on your face.

Just get up and keep going.

Without fail, the sun rises every morning. This is God’s reminder to us we get to begin again.

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Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

-The Bible

Read this scripture everyday this week and allow how God thinks to be how you think!

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Photo Credit: Chris Gin / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

2013 in review

2013 in review

by Kathleen Moulton

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 3,400 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 57 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

believe.

believe.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 2 Comments

See my beautiful tulips?

And my fragrant white and pink peonies?

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And here is my pride and joy – forsythia.

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You don’t see them? I don’t either. Not yet. But they are there. Because without fail, every spring, this little garden spot is alive with wonderful colors and textures.

Underneath the frozen ground is life waiting to be born. A blanket of snow covers and protects the earth as it sleeps.  And spring never disappoints. It is always faithful, giving us a glimpse of how God works.

Is there something in you waiting to be born? Has winter gone on so long it has frozen your heart to believing it can get better?

There is a truth that stands no matter if we believe it or not. God is good. He doesn’t think like we do. Months turn into years and we wonder, when?

When?

Time and time again I have seen God take the worst of situations and make something good out of it. 

Wait.

Trust.

Believe.

??????????

~~~

Photo Credit: Kathy Moulton

scripture friday.

scripture friday.

by Kathleen Moulton

Some Christians always have a scripture to put on a situation.

Ha. I am one of those people.

I don’t do it lightly. I do it with the confidence that it is a truth that injects strength into you.

At face value, it may seem like just a pat answer. I don’t do it  frivolously. I do it with compassion and understanding.

When you plug something in, you expect it to work.

That’s the way it is with scripture. There is an unseen current that connects to your heart and mind. You just don’t see it.

Let the word of God settle in. Don’t be so quick to reject it. Even if you’ve been hurt in church, by other people, or God himself.

At the end of the day, you have to believe in something. It all has to make sense, doesn’t it?

Believe God is who he says he is.

Jesus said:

I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.

John 14:27

Doesn’t nature teach us so much about God?

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Photo Credit: ©Kathleen Moulton