Tag: grief

losing a child.

losing a child.

by Kathleen Moulton

Dec18

Like a wave, the crest of heightened emotion will fall to find a path as it crashes upon the shore of a new day … a new week … a new year.

Life will demand and routine will resume.

The fathers and mothers of the Sandy Hook school shootings will feel helpless. They will tread water as raw grief pierces deeper and the numbness wears off.

Everyone leaves and the temporary buoyancy of strength leaves, too.

You cannot leave them. Not yet.

There is a gaping wound in their heart. And life is pulsating out of it with every breath.

Place your hand of quiet presence upon their heart until it beats on its own.

the-morning-stretch-and-a-nibble_l (1)

The silence is deafening. Weeping openly was allowed.

Life must go on we tell them.

But life is on hold for them.

Let them. Please let them.

There are no words to comfort. All they want is their child back.

Time. They need lots of time.

solitary-3_l

Time to learn how to live again.

Some will not want to live again.

12-days-of-christmas-butterflies-12-monarch-the-king-of-butterflies-to-celebrate-the-birth-of-the-king-of-kings_l

But they will.

~~~~

Photo Courtesy:

MrClean1982 / Foter / CC BY-NC

macropoulos / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Vicki’s Nature / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

how?

how?

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

Jun19

 

With all our technological, medical, and scientific advancements, the common and routine can frustrate us.

That’s because we are limited. And the first step of grieving is acknowledging and admitting death is inevitable. The truth sets us free. That means the part of us which is weighed down with confusion, discouragement, frustration and disappointment breaks free with acceptance.

We are made of the same stuff as our predecessors who lost loved ones to disease, accidents, and war.

We cannot stop it.

Generations before us lived with death. Does this make our personal grieving easier? No. But it helps us to know we are made of the same stuff as our ancestors. We’re human.

macro-bebe_l

We cannot control everything that happens to us the way we choose our ring tones or favorite search engine.

To grieve is to accept.

But to accept is to trust.

Trust in what? Or whom?

There is always someone who writes the book.

In the Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth.

Genesis 1:1

~~~

Photo Credit: Etolane / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND,

revisiting grief.

revisiting grief.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 2 Comments

Holidays, particularly during Christmas, are difficult times for people who are grieving the loss of a loved one.

For the next two weeks, I am going to re-post previous entries I’ve written on grief.

Perhaps grief is the most misunderstood emotion. The person grieving a deep loss, whether through death, divorce, or personal disappointments or failure, needs to be patient with themselves. But mostly, the people around them need to be patient.

If you know someone who needs to understand your grieving, consider sharing with them the next two weeks.

Jun17

How do I deal with grief?

We live in a world of instant gratification.

Even the poorest among us has access to a fast food lunch, a cell phone, and/or cable television.

The problem is not all things in life can be instantly gratified. Grief is one of those things.

We want to push it away for another day. We’ve got things to do and places to go. But grief interrupts our rhythm.

The world has advanced in leaps and bounds, but our soul hasn’t. We may adjust and accommodate  and even welcome the intrusions of someone’s random thoughts posted on a social website. Yet, our soul is the bedrock of who we are and it is limited. Without recognizing those limitations we expect more than we were made to handle.

canoe

There has to be times of calmness. We were not made to be constantly alert.

Grieving the loss of someone cannot be filed with the rest of your daily activities. It won’t allow it. Grief will demand your attention and the more you try to keep at bay the more it will intrude. Ignoring it is like ignoring a bullet wound.

You can’t.

Next post: How?

~~~

Photo Credit: Roozbeh Rokni / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

 

grieving.

grieving.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

How do I deal with grief?

We live in a world of instant gratification.

Even the poorest among us has access to a fast food lunch, a cell phone, and/or cable television.

The problem is not all things in life can be instantly gratified. Grief is one of those things.

We want to push it away for another day. We’ve got things to do and places to go. But grief interrupts our rhythm.

The world has advanced in leaps and bounds, but our soul hasn’t. We may adjust and accommodate  and even welcome the intrusions of someone’s random thoughts posted on a social website. Yet, our soul is the bedrock of who we are and it is limited. Without recognizing those limitations we expect more than we were made to handle.

canoe

There has to be times of calmness. We were not made to be constantly alert.

Grieving the loss of someone cannot be filed with the rest of your daily activities. It won’t allow it. Grief will demand your attention and the more you try to keep at bay the more it will intrude. Ignoring it is like ignoring a bullet wound.

You can’t.

Next post: How?

~~~

Photo Credit: Roozbeh Rokni / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

grief.

grief.

by Kathleen Moulton

Grief is work.

dirty-hands3

I had never thought about it like that, until I was hit with it.

Grief plunges you into an abyss. The last thing you want to do is work yourself out of that bottomless pit.

But grief is not that kind of work – trying to “get better” or to feel normal.

The work is letting yourself be taken down an unfamiliar path, and going with it when you don’t want to.

You will not feel your old self because the person you lost was part of your old self.

Put your shovel down and rest.

tumblr_lktww9wczc1qi9r90

 

beautiful strength.

beautiful strength.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

 ballerina-8_l

You can’t fix grief.

A paper cut will heal quickly.

A gun shot wound requires more time.

Sometimes the bullet cannot be removed.

People live with bullets inside of them.

People live with broken hearts.

This isn’t hopelessness.

It is acceptance of what is.

Once accepted,  you carry grief with  strength…

 beautiful strength.

~~~

Photo Courtesy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mait/5184718154/

coming to terms with grief.

coming to terms with grief.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

The Key to Resolving Grief

by Dr. Lani Leary

The key to resolving grief is the feeling of acceptance that comes through validation. To resolve means to settle, to work out, or to find meaning. It does not mean to erase, or to end. Grief does not end, but grief is transformed. Grief can soften. It can be accepted. It can take on another shape, rather than taking over a person’s life. One can carry grief differently after working through grief and finding resolution. But grief does not end.

The great healer of our grief is validation, not time. All grief needs to be blessed. In order to be blessed, it must be heard. Someone must be present, someone who is willing to “hold” it by listening without judgment or comparison.

Those who grieve need both verbal and non-verbal permission to feel whatever feelings arise during grief. Their personal way of experiencing their loss should be given consent and validation. The ways they “know” their grief should be honored. Mourners need to be encouraged to express their grief in ways that are most comfortable for them, through words, tears, song, art, movement, or activity.

tulips-15_l

While grieving, those in pain need a sense of a compassionate presence. That is a person who provides a healthy relationship and companions them. It is the person who can “just be” with them in whatever way is helpful throughout the journey. There may be several people who support with their ability to be present, and each may offer different aspects that are needed. The bereaved need:

  1. To be cared for with your presence, permission, patience, predictability, and perseverance.
  2. To have their feelings acknowledged and their loved one remembered.
  3. To have their feelings and needs normalized.
  4. To be heard.
  5. To be seen and acknowledged.

~~~

Photo courtesy: Jeff Kubina / Foter / CC BY-SA

never the same.

never the same.

by Kathleen Moulton

Fix, fix, fix.

We live in a world where solutions are sought

and impatience abounds                                 break

for answers

and fixes ..

quick fixes.

 

But some things

will never be the same.

 

Grief is like that.

And that’s okay.

 

*Next post- what helps those who grieve…  and the one thing family and friends can do.

~~~

Photo Courtesy: RLEVANS / Foter / CC BY-ND

losing a child.

losing a child.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

Like a wave, the crest of heightened emotion will fall to find a path as it crashes upon the shore of a new day … a new week … a new year.

Life will demand and routine will resume.

The fathers and mothers of the Sandy Hook school shootings will feel helpless. They will tread water as raw grief pierces deeper and the numbness wears off.

Everyone leaves and the temporary buoyancy of strength leaves, too.

You cannot leave them. Not yet.

There is a gaping wound in their heart. And life is pulsating out of it with every breath.

Place your hand of quiet presence upon their heart until it beats on its own.

the-morning-stretch-and-a-nibble_l (1)

The silence is deafening. Weeping openly was allowed.

Life must go on we tell them.

But life is on hold for them.

Let them. Please let them.

There are no words to comfort. All they want is their child back.

Time. They need lots of time.

solitary-3_l

Time to learn how to live again.

Some will not want to live again.

12-days-of-christmas-butterflies-12-monarch-the-king-of-butterflies-to-celebrate-the-birth-of-the-king-of-kings_l

But they will.

~~~~

Photo Courtesy:

MrClean1982 / Foter / CC BY-NC

 macropoulos / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

Vicki’s Nature / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

work.

work.

by Kathleen Moulton ♥ 1 Comment

Grief is work.

The reason it’s work is because your life changes course. New emotions you are not accustomed to will rudely interrupt your life. Your life will slow down and what you want is to keep going the way you were – and you can’t. You finally face the fact: you have to slow down and reassess.

Common symptoms of grief

While loss affects people in different ways, many people experience the following symptoms when they’re grieving. Just remember that almost anything that you experience in the early stages of grief is normal – including feeling like you’re going crazy, feeling like you’re in a bad dream, or questioning your religious beliefs.

  • Shock and disbelief – Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what happened. You may feel numb, have trouble believing that the loss really happened, or even deny the truth. If someone you love has died, you may keep expecting them to show up, even though you know they’re gone.
  • Sadness – Profound sadness is probably the most universally experienced symptom of grief. You may have feelings of emptiness, despair, yearning, or deep loneliness. You may also cry a lot or feel emotionally unstable.
  • Guilt – You may regret or feel guilty about things you did or didn’t say or do. You may also feel guilty about certain feelings (e.g. feeling relieved when the person died after a long, difficult illness). After a death, you may even feel guilty for not doing something to prevent the death, even if there was nothing more you could have done.
  • Anger – Even if the loss was nobody’s fault, you may feel angry and resentful. If you lost a loved one, you may be angry at yourself, God, the doctors, or even the person who died for abandoning you. You may feel the need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you.
  • Fear – A significant loss can trigger a host of worries and fears. You may feel anxious, helpless, or insecure. You may even have panic attacks. The death of a loved one can trigger fears about your own mortality, of facing life without that person, or the responsibilities you now face alone.
  • Physical symptoms – We often think of grief as a strictly emotional process, but grief often involves physical problems, including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia.

Source:  http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

Be patient with yourself. Even if others are not.